ARTICLE: Fanboyitis

FANBOYITIS

WiiCubeM1:

There has been a terrible plague sweeping through out gamers since the first time the name “Atari” was mentioned in the home.

It is a plague that has been tearing us apart for a long time, and has become the driving force behind our beloved System Wars.

It’s a terrible syndrome called Fanboyitis.

Quite nasty, actually. The symptoms start off mildly enough, they start losing interest in a few choice titles they love, and move on to other titles just to get a bit of a “breather” as they call it. After the sickness starts to take hold, they start spending incredible amounts of time obsessing over a single genre, most commonly either RPGs or FPSs.

In further cases, the infected start distancing themselves away from certain “stupid” or “kiddy” consoles and focus more time on one system only. In the most severe cases, we’ve had reports of the ill spewing hate-filled remarks at certain companies or games based on pure opinion.

As the sickness gets worse, they begin to change. You may notice a growth in the waistline and a sickly odor beginning to wreak from them. The changes are not just physical, they develop psychological problems and addictions to a certain company. They start speaking in strange tongues, referring to themselves as “1337” and “Haxors”, and may begin calling themselves a type of animal if they are allowed access to other afflicted individuals, mostly found on forums and local game shops.

At this point they have developed a psychological intolerance to any type of stimuli outside of their personal addictions, be it Xbox, Playstation, or Nintendo. They will cringe at the mere mention of the company’s name, and may start to defend themselves the only way they know how, through purely instinctive insults hurled at the supporters of their hated stimuli.

The only known treatment is a constant stream of products from their affliction, be it shooters for the “Lemmings”, action / RPG games for these “Cows, or nostalgia in the case of “Sheep”. A fourth strand of this illness has been identified, but little is truly known about these “Hermits”.

As the name suggests, they are often holed up in unreachable places, isolating themselves from all living things. This may be for the best, as even the mere mention of this fourth sub-type fills the other three with an unbridled rage. All that is known is that they are often the worst infected of this disease, claiming superiority in every way. These poor fools are to be pitied, never to be fought, as isolation and this Fanboyitis have warped their minds into something “inhuman”.

While research is trying to be done into finding a way to combat all we can do now identify the symptoms and study the fighting that happens at known areas on the internet, such as System Wars.

Known symptoms include:

* An unhealthy addiction to a certain company, game series / genre, or console.

* Afflicted will often include their addiction into their name, avatar, or signature.

* Biased insults with no real backing with any sort of logic.

* Will quickly fly into an uncontrollable rage if hated stimuli is mentioned.

* Refer to themselves as one of the 4 sub-types in threads where these names were never mentioned.

* Arguments mostly comprised of “fanboy logic”, a type of logic which is somewhat based on fact, but is mostly a favorable aspect warped by popular opinion throughout a certain sub-type. EX: “Nintendo is a kiddy company”, “Xbox has no exclusives”, “Hermits are all fat and virgins”, “Sony will fail this gen”, etc.

* Constantly “troll” threads to create a “flame war” which they use to either locate others of their sub-type or feed their addiction and lust for control of the boards.

If one of these afflicted individuals is seen, please, for your safety, as well as your threads, do not fall for their troll-bait or start a war between the fans.

You have been warned.

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