LAST TIME ON SYSTEM WARS: August 21, 2011

Reports of Nintendo’s death appear to have been greatly exaggerated, because the 3DS sold a s***load of units. Sheep prostrated themselves before this new zombie overlord, while everyone else wondered just how long the black magic that brought Nintendo back from the dead could last.

Stevo_the_gamer effectively troll-, I mean educated, the denizens of System Wars with graphs, charts, and other mathematical hoopla that proved the 360’s dominance in high scoring games on Gamespot. He then posted the same data for GameRankings, which ruined the thre-, I mean presented a differing view. Either way, the cows were very angry and mooed about changing standards and more recent games alot. Then they went back to hyping a bunch of remastered PS2 games.

A bunch of prominent System Wars members were banned for being bad people. Well, except for 110million. He was banned for not realizing that reporting a mod’s posts is a bad idea. TheMoreYouOwn was also banned. It is said he contacted the mods shoirtly after he was banned to call them a bunch of jelly lemmings. FlipMode and Morteccai were banned, too, and no one seems to know why. Oh, well, must not have been important. Mrmusicman247 was glitch banned for a little while, too, but he came back. Sources close to System Wars the Magazine inform us that he hang out with zombie Nintendo now.

Speaking of Nintendo, they released Xenoblade Chronicles in Europe, to outrageously high critical acclaim. The game still has no American release date, however, which is a clear indicator that it isn’t worth playing. Thanks for keeping the bad games away, Reggie! Moar Mario Party, plox.

Oh, and El Shaddai came out, but it’s a multiplat, so no one gave a crap. Cows continued to play all of their flops, and lemmings returned to hibernation until Gears of War 3 once they realized the game wasn’t a shooter.

Oh, and Zelda is apparently an RPG now. With no stats. How the f*** does that even work? System Wars the Magazine has contacted BioWare to elaborate on the subject, as apparently they have experience on such things.

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