REVIEW: Fallout: New Vegas

FALLOUT: NEW VEGAS

jethrovegas:

Hello, gent. What do you think of Fallout: New Vegas?

OPTION 1. *INT* It’s easily one of the best RPGs ever made

OPTION 2. FO3 was better

OPTION 3. Dude that game was ****ing glitched

OPTION 4. This review sucks, laters *end review*

CHOSE OPTION 1. Yes it is, actually. Don’t let nostalgia blind you; many of its aspects (faction design, overall quest design) far and away outstrip even the original games.

1A. How so?

1B. I agree Jethro, you are the man.

1C. I agree to an extent, but FO1 was a tighter package overall.

CHOSE 1A.

What do you mean, “how so”? It’s faction system is the best I’ve ever seen in an RPG; its quest design is exquisite. It’s a layered, complex, deep, highly rewarding role playing experience; the ways quests are layered into one another is much better than in the originals, inarguably.

1AA. Hmm, makes sense.

1AB. We’ll have to agree to disagree.

1AC. Well, you’re a bloody idiot, now aren’t you?

CHOSE1AA

Of course it makes sense, I said it, didn’t I?

1AAA. Ehh, sure…

1AAB. Screw you *leave review hastily* *end review*

CHOSE 1AAA.

Have you ever seen a bird with nipples? *end review*

CHOSE1AB

Fair enough. *end review*

CHOSE1AC

Toss off, horse gogger. *end review*

CHOSE 1B.

Thanks, chap. *end of review*

CHOSE 1C.

I agree. Poe would have referred to what it accomplished as ‘singular effect.’ Its atmosphere, its tone, was consistent throughout; it was an incredibly well designed game.

1CA. Who do you prefer Jethro, Poe or Lovecraft?

1CB. Cool story, breh.

CHOSE 1CA.

Lovecraft, personally.

1CAA. Dreadful taste.

1CAB. Right on! *passes opium pipe*

CHOSE 1CAA.

Sure. Now leave, idiot. *end review*

CHOSE 1CAB.

Thanks breh. *end review*

Chose 1CB.

Riveting tail, cat. *end review*

CHOSE OPTION 2.

Sure Todd, whatever helps you sleep at night.

2A. Do you imply that anyone who disagrees with you is a Bethesda employee?

2B. I haven’t the slightest clue what you’re on about.

CHOSE 2A.

Pretty much. Catch you later, Pete.

2AA. You’re a sociopath.

2AB. **** off. *end review*

CHOSE 2AA.

I won’t argue with you. *end review*

CHOSE 2B

Good, then you can’t share in my nightmares. *end review*

CHOSE OPTION 3

Of course that’s what you’d say. All that matters to anyone on SW these days is ****ing technical proficiency; it’s like a massive, rabidly psychotic graphics cult that worships the various visual aspects of console games as if fighting for second place were somehow noble, or anything other than unbelievably stupid.

You’re probably a Fable fan too, right?

3A. Well of course, that’s a wonderful series!

3B. Hell no, Fable sucks. Relax man.

CHOSE 3A.

Alright then. It seems I have no choice.

*CUE BOSS FIGHT*

CHOSE 3B.

Sorry man, I get out of control sometimes. Go in peace, honeychile. *end review*

-BOSS FIGHT-

Fable fan sees jethrovegas approaching

Fable fan tries to flee

Fable fan cannot flee

jethrovegas kicks Fable fan in the teeth, causing 32 points of damage, and spilling his blood like warm milk onto the cold metal floor. The pain must be excruciating.

Fable fan uses Molyneux’s Light!

jethrovegas nimbly dodges the attack

Fable fan summons LION-HEAD

LION-HEAD uses maul

jethrovegas blocks the attack

jethrovegas summons GHOST OF BLACK-ISLE

GHOST OF BLACK-ISLE uses Avellone’s Essence

LION-HEAD is hit with exceptional writing for 103 points of damage; its face explodes, sending chunks of viscera and shattered fangs scattering like skittles across the battlefield.

LION-HEAD has been killed!

Fable fan tries to flee

Fable fan cannot flee

GHOST OF BLACK-ISLE has been taken out of the fight

jethrovegas summons GHOST OF TROIKA

GHOST OF TROIKA attacks Fable fan – it’s a three-pronged attack!

-Boyarsky hits Fable fan in the ribs for 84 points of damage; he sucks air and tries to stand up, but is bleeding inside already; the pain is too much.

-Anderson head-butts Fable fan for 91 points of damage; his chest-bone snaps like a saltine cracker!

-Cain knees Fable fan in the groin for MASSIVE 189 POINT DAMAGE! His stomach has been driven up into his throat!

Fable fan has been killed!

jethrovegas has gained 525 experience points!

jethrovegas is now level 9002!

*end review*

————

/dialogue tree

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IN CONVOLUTION:

skill checks turn me on
out of 10

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