System Wars Special Report With Tsug_Ze_Wind

Hello SW! I’m Tsug_Ze_Wind, and I’ll be your weathersheep.

E3 is a special time of year, when gamers of all kinds can come together and be disappointed. But for most, this year’s E3 failed miserably at leaving them wanting more, not delivering on its usual promises of poor showings (unless Ubisoft counts). Instead, we got three great conferences from the Big Three and plenty of games, while keeping the tradition of hilarious self-ownage from past E3s. Hopefully E3 can learn from these mistakes and return to the same dull, useless event it once was, so we can go back to arguing about which company failed the least.

Here are your post-E3 opinion-facts.


–The majority of SW posters believe that Sony and the cows won E3, which is to be expected as the majority of SW posters are cows. In my opinion-fact, Sony LOST E3, albeit not by much. Not enough new games, and Sony’s Lightbulb-On-A-Stick just looked downright pathetic, not only compared to the Wiimote but compared to MS’ Project Natal. All of the conferences were great, but I’m saying that Sony’s was the least great.

–The lemmings seem very confused about motion-sensing now. Some say it still sucks, while some say it doesn’t suck now that the almighty MS has perfected it. Some are actually being logical, and waiting for some software, but logic has no place in SW. Speaking of logic, does anyone really believe anything Molyneux says anymore?

–Yes surprise, surprise, my pick for the winner of E3 is Nintendo. But you know what really convinced me? All of the haters straight-up pretending the big N’s conference never happened. To be ignored is the biggest victory of all in SW, right hermits?

But seriously, S. M. G. 2.


So, where do we go now? Here’s the forecast.

–Sony’s been crusin’ for a while, so they didn’t need a strong E3. They got one anyway, so what’s next? Let’s just say, the age of the cows isn’t going to end anytime soon. It would take another apocalypse (Read: E3 ’06) to clear the cows out of SW now.

–Though MS gave the lemmings some ammo, there’s very little to be excited about for the rest of ’09. Expect the lemming population to decrease, at least until we near the end of the year.

–Motion+ is off to a great start: EA’s latest Tiger Woods got AAA, a full point higher than the non-Wii versions. The next test is Wii Sports Resort, and I’m calling it: AA on Gamespot.


Until next time, Fox >>>>> LaBeouf.