The Courtroom: Haiku133 vs. Dolphin56 – Willy105
This is a transcript of a case presented before the Gamespot staff on February 31st, 2009. System Wars Monthly will now present the court proceedings in it’s entirety.
“Please rise. Kevin VanOrd will be the jury today.” says an official.
“You may all sit down. What is going on here?” says Kevin.
The two opposing clients are Haiku133, a Gamespot user that is a regular of the System Wars board, and Dolphin56, a mod of the Gamespot forums that occasionally visits the System Wars board.
“I have been wrongly modded!” says Haiku133.
“No! You weren’t!” responds Dolphin56.
“Yes I was, and you know it!” says Haiku133.
“Order!” yells Kevin. “You will each now tell what exactly happened. Starting with you, Haiku133.”
“Thank you, your honor.” says Haiku133. “I was just having a normal day in System Wars, posting on topics that aroused my interests and whatnot.”
“Stop talking like that! You know you don’t talk like that in the forums!” responds Dolphin56.
“Sustained.” says Kevin.
“Thank you. I went into this thread that talked about Killzone 2.” says Haiku133.
“I heard of that game.” says Kevin.
“I am sure some of you have.” says Haiku133. “The topic was the one that was stickied, since all discussion on the game was to be posted on that thread, as it’s a custom practice in System Wars to control the right to free speech and give mods monopolizing rights over the board.”
“Objection! He is talking trash unrelated to the issue at hand.” yells Dolphin56.
“Sustained.” says Kevin. “What did you do to get modded by Dolphin56, Haiku133? Did you post a second topic while the stickied topic was still there?”
“No I did not. I for one respect the rules of this totalitarian website.” says Haiku133.
“Watch it, Haiku, this is my website you are talking about.” warns Kevin.
“I posted on the stickied thread, as I was supposed to do.” says Kaiku133.
“Then why did you get modded?” asks Kevin.
“Because I spoke negatively about the game!” says Haiku133.
The crowd watching this court became restless.
“You spoke negatively about the game?” says Kevin. “What did you say?”
“I said and I quote.” says Haiku133.
Congratulations on your game, PS3 owners! Have fun playing what we Xbox 360 owners have been enjoying for the past 8 years! But I guess you will, it’s not a plentiful occurrence that the PS3 gets a decent shooting game.
“Objection!” says Dolphin56. “That is not what he said! This is his actual quote!”
congratulation cows! Have fun playing what we lemmings have been playing for the past 8 years! But I guess you will, shovelware released on the ps3 always take advantage of it’s lower standards!
“It still is the same thing. I just cleaned it up a bit.” says Haiku133.
“You are not supposed to do that kind of cleaning up in a real courtroom.” says Kevin.
“But we aren’t in a real courtroom, aren’t we?” says Haiku133.
“Watch your mouth, n00b!” says Kevin.
“As you can see by this post and the arrogance displayed to you by him, I could not let this post be displayed any longer, so I deleted it and give Haiku133 a one day suspension.”
The crowd booed the mod.
“Order!” says Kevin. “Haiku133, what is your response to this?”
“I call unfair discipline!” says Haiku133.
“Why?” asks Kevin.
“Simple. Because he is a PS3 fanboy!” says Haiku133.
The crowd gasps.
“That’s preposterous. I am fully neutral in everyway.” says Dolphin56.
“Are you sure?” says Haiku133.
“Dolphin56 being a PS3 fanboy could turn the tide of this court. But you will need to present evidence.” says Kevin.
“I know. That is why I call a friend of mine, Subrosian, to the witness stand!” says Haiku133.
Subrosian is called forth and is put in the witness stand.
“Hey Sub! How you doing!” says Haiku133.
“Annoyed.” says Subrosian.
“Same as always, huh? Oh well. Sorry to hear that. I need you to tell me to what console does Dolphin56 have an alliegance to?” says Haiku133.
“I never heard you speak like that, Haiku. Why don’t you speak like that in the forums?” says Subrosian.
“Shut up Sub, and answer the question.” says Haiku133.
“Objection! He is mistreating his own witness.” says Dolphin56.
“It’s ok. It’s his witness. He can treat him however he wants.” says Kevin.
“Are you sure?” asks Dolphin56.
“Be quiet Dolphin.” says Kevin. “Please continue Subrosian.”
“I have known Dolphin56, and how he behaves, for a long time. He has always been a regular of my union, the Avant-Game union, for quite some time, and I am very grateful for that. It annoys me that not many people share that passion for intelligent discussion about videogames. I have gone and recruited many bright Gamespot users, but most of them have rejected my solicitations! I am sick…..” says Sub.
“Get to the point, Sub, we don’t have time for one of your essays.” says Haiku133.
“Dolphin56 has shown that he is very much neutral.” says Sub.
The crowd gasps as Subrosian is not giving weight to Haiku133’s argument.
“You aren’t helping me here, Sub.” says Haiku133. “Has he ever shown proof that he owns all consoles.”
“Well, he usually posts more on topics about PS3 matters, although he does sign up for many tournaments on games that aren’t PS3 games.” says Sub.
“Has he ever competed in one?” says Kaiku133.
“He has on some, most of the time he forfeits when it’s his turn.” says Sub.
“What are the games he hasn’t forfeited on yet?” asks Haiku133.
“Warhawk, COD4, and Motorstorm.” says Sub.
“These are games on the PS3, right?” asks Haiku133.
“Yes.” says Sub.
“So he only plays games on the PS3. I think I have made my point.” says Haiku133.
Subrosian is let go.
“Very compelling evidence that you modded Haiku133 just because he spoke negatively about a game that your faction hyped.” says Kevin.
“But he can’t prove that I am exclusive only to Playstation 3. I have Gamercard!” says Dolphin56.
Dolphin56 displays his Gamercard for all of the court to see.
“Well, that’s that. I call this case…..” says Kevin.
“WAIT!” says Haiku133. “I have an objection!”
“What is it?” says Kevin.
“That could be fake.” says Haiku133.
“You can’t fake a Gamercard.” says Dolphin56.
“I am sure you can.” says Haiku133.
“Any proof?” says Kevin.
“Look up his Gamercard on Xbox Live, and you will see his Gamercard does not exist!” says Haiku133.
Kevin VanOrd loads up Xbox Live and looks for Dolphin56’s Gamercard.
“Dolphin56’s Gamercard….is real. A Silver subscription.” says Kevin. “He even has friends in there.”
“It could still be a trick, your honor.” says Haiku133.
“How pathetic, Haiku133. You lost. Even better, I will call to the witness stand one of my Xbox Live friends to prove you wrong!” says Dolphin56. “I call Willy105 to the witness stand!”
Willy105 is taken to the witness stand.
“Hello there, Willy. How’s it been?” says Dolphin56.
“Pretty good.” says Willy105.
“It is true that I have a Gamercard, right?” says Dolphin56.
“Yes, that seems true.” says Willy105.
“And if you look me up on Xbox Live, I will be there, correct?” says Dolphin56.
“Correct.” says Willy105.
“See? I am clearly not a Cow!” says Dolphin56 to the court.
The crowd cheers.
“Very well. I call this case clo…..” says Kevin.
“WAIT!” yells Haiku133. “I have a question for Willy105!”
“Ugh. Now what?” says Kevin.
“Willy105. I am a big fan of your work by the way.” says Haiku133.
“Thank you.” says Willy105.
“Tell me, Willy. Old buddy. Old pal.” says Haiku133.
“Objection! He is trying to hit on Willy!” says Dolphin56.
“I get it all the time, Dolphin.” says Willy105. “No big deal.”
“Sustained.” says Kevin.
“Have you ever played online with Dolphin56 on Live?” asks Haiku133.
“No. I only have a silver account, and so does he. We refuse to pay to play.” says Willy105.
The crowd in the court cheer.
“This is going nowhere, Haiku. You can’t use that as evidence because we can’t play even if we wanted to.” says Dolphin56.
“You are right. You can’t. Not on Xbox Live.” says Haiku133.
“Exactly.” says Dolphin56.
“Especially since neither of you own an Xbox!” says Haiku133.
The crowd gasps.
“Willy105, you don’t have an Xbox, don’t you?” says Haiku133.
“No.” says Willy105.
The crowd gasps again.
“What!?!” yells Dolphin56.
“Then why do you have a Gamercard?” says Haiku133.
“I play Games for Windows.” says Willy105.
The crowd uproars.
“Order! Order!” yells Kevin. “Scan his hard drive for a Games for Windows client!”
The Gamespot Download Manager becomes a spyware application and searched Dolphin56’s hard drive for a Games for Windows client.
“Hey! Wait a minute! You need a warrant! You can’t do that!” yells Dolphin56.
“But this isn’t a real courtroom, is it?” says Kevin.
The spyware application formerly known as the Gamespot Download Manager finds the Games for Windows client in his hard drive, and shows that Dolphin56’s Gamercard was created using that client. Dolphin56 also does not own any Games for Windows games, as his computer is not powerful enough to run them.
“Impressive. So it seems that you modded Haiku133 for speaking negatively about a game that your faction supported.” says Kevin. “That is not a good reason. When a stickied thread needs to be put up, it does not mean only positive discussion of the game needs to be there. This goes for all mods out there. It is not called trolling speaking negatively of a game on an official thread when there is no other place to speak your opinions about it. Dolphin56, you are hereby suspended for one week, and your mod duties for one month. Court dismissed.”